Times and people About me. Swedish lifestile.

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Jamtland, Sweden
I left everything behind: my country, friends, my lovely son and my dog. I fell in love and got married to a Swedish man. Now I'm in the middle of Sweden and that is what I think and feel. Everything I trust to my blog.

Monday 11 March 2013

Abroad I feel miserable and at the same time like a precious diamond: everyone looks at me trying to estimate http://youtu.be/jwNjt787pIg

I love this song as it reminds me of my Mom. I often think about her and greeve about her passing away.


When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money.
The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
Winston Churchill
Questions are never indiscreet, answers sometimes are.
Oscar Wilde
I wish you were more than the time to stay here and watch me flying over your sleeping soul, I wish there would be more than the ocean to swim in my senses, I wish there were more than this Universe of stars to shine on you and make your eyes bright. On the occasion of my friend Chris birthday.















“A Sound of Thunder" The story describes time travelling to the Stone Age for Safari. It appears that civilization hasn’t changed human nature, but stimulated aggression in human race and want to murder. It looks like that the phenomenon of safari, an initially prepared murder of a giant tyrannosaurus – an innocent creature likewise murder of innocent civil people, is based on the political matter . One cannot but stumble at the words: “dictator, anti-human, antichrist, anti everything”. The story is written after the World War II and starts with the question: "Does this safari guarantee I come back alive?" Both words: the murder and dictator in the tight knot with the question associates in every human’s mind with one of the best technically equipped mass slaughters - WWII. Some anti-human dictators start the war and provide Safari for themselves killing innocent people. Animals don't kill for power or money. They kill just out of hunger or self protection. They don't kill their kind. Butterfly that was killed in the past will never produce its offspring. What about millions of people that were slaughtered over the war times or under dictatorship? How many artists, singers, scientists, simply good people will never be born as their offspring? And then there is lots of blood and terror in the story: “…arms soaked and red to the elbows”, "they wiped the blood from their helmets”,-that reminds me the soldiers after a slaughter in the battle. Bradbury wants to know when the first blood was spilled. Was it Abel? If someone in the past stepped on a butterfly, the future would be changed drastically. Once a man killed and felt the power over the weakest one, people practiced aggression on each other and therefore destruction of every kind flourished. Murder generates dictators who come to power and manufacture the deadly weapons. I believe, at the end of the story Eckels was killed by his companion. Bradbury concluded the story crying out helplessly the rhetorical question: "can't we take it back, can't we make it alive again? Can't we start over? "He emphasizes the point where there is no return and that is death. The moral of the story is that the human race must face the consequences of their choice to start safari and vote for dictators. It’s a science-fiction story and a message for the future generations to live in democracy and peace. Murder is the cause of misery. Therefore it is the key word to the story.




Dignity.


The novel The Remains of the Day is a novel about dignity. This word pops up now and then like a thread of pearls attracting details and decorations. By decorations I mean the words that underline and are the textual synonyms to the word dignity: “professionals”, “the embodiment”, “employer and employee”and “greatness ”. It feels like ‘dignity’ here is tightly connected to a professional sphere. Language itself as a high standard of speaking skills that Stevens practiced hard accompanied ‘dignity’. People take him for the Lord or a high rank of politician. On many occasions Stevens makes use of such phrases like “the ability to draw up a good staff plan is the cornerstone of any decent butler’s skills”. ” It reads like an introduction to butler’s daily routine. Those butlers who were really skillful were eulogized by their colleagues and upper class households, were talked about and after some blunder they were gossiped about, made a figure of fun by the latter and faced their downfall.

Stevens tells the story of Mr. Neighbours who was really the best butler and he was in the limelight for some short years. We can just imagine what sort of thoughts Stevens could have about Mr. Neighbours to predict his downfall. Stevens is in the know about tactic and strategies in talking to his colleagues and employers otherwise he would also face downfall and never work as a butler in such a prestigious household like Darlington Hall. The anecdote about a butler who had been taken to India by his employer and found a tiger under the dining table but performed the same high standards as he commanded in England demonstrates to us the dignified reaction that both Stevens’ father and Stevens himself were trying hard to achieve.

Details appear also as different stories about Stevens’ father. He shows his dignity to the company of the drunken guests to their verbal offence by opening the door of the car in such a manner that each one of them was instantly sober. Stevens is proud of his father and he loves him. At the day of father’s death he couldn’t keep from crying. And that is the only episode in the whole book when real feelings burst out of his eyes while he was serving at the significant reception. Nobody realized what tragedy happened in Stevens’ life. He himself said how proud his father would be if he knew that his son didn’t leave his work and therefore didn’t attract everyone’s attention to his personal matter. “…’dignity’ is something one can meaningfully strive for throughout one’s career.”- says Stevens. It was the long life striving for both father and the son.

Butlers do have dignity despite of their being displayed as a performing monkey for guests entertainment as it had become an established sport to put a butler random questions to check his intellect as it happened once to Stevens when Lord Darlington rang for him in the night for Mr. Spenser and Sir Leonard pleasure to mock on Stevens. Stevens understands the difference between him, a poor servant, and those rich and influential people, who were staying in Darlington hall. He didn’t let himself burst into his real feelings. He restrained his feelings. Lord Darlington came to apologize in front of his butler. And I wonder what ‘dignity’ here is for Stevens. Is it a sort of wisdom in restraining his emotions, avoiding temptation to show off? And after all he doesn’t judge anyone: neither Lord Darlington and his guests or Mr. Farraday who bought Darlington hall together with Stevens to exhibit latter to his acquaintances as “the remains of the day”, the traditional English butlers’ staff representative. Does it mean that he put up with humiliation? I don’t think so. Even his silence is a talkative sign of Stevens’ dignity. His privacy was a little room like a cell in a prison where nobody was allowed to step in and criticize him, even a woman whom he was attracted by. Mss. Kenton was the only love in Stevens’ life, but he sacrificed his private life to Lord Darlington’s household. As it was shown in the novel people had to leave the butler’s career if they decided to get married. Probably, Stevens wouldn’t have known where to go if he supposed to start family with Mss. Kenton. Their last date was lit with love, good memory and Stevens’ hope that everything could be still possible, a little hope for private life. It was Mrs. Benn’s decision to keep her dignity and remain with her husband, her daughter and grandchildren-to-be. She found the sense of her life and her dignity in marriage.

Lord Darlington whom Stevens admired and devoted his life to died out of shame to be called a Nazi’s collaborator and pain of the unbearable loss when his God son was killed in Belgium during the World War II. Even Lords can pass away without being dignified. The narrator made an attempt to overview with integrity his life, thoughts, his way of behavior with the only purpose to estimate if there is something he had missed in his life and if he made the right choice to restrain his feelings. All in all it is about dignity that he preserved until his old age. The title of the novel in itself is the quintessence of the whole story: dignity is the only human value that remains at the end of everyone’s life. But why do I feel sorry for Stevens? Is it because his dignity appeared to be his curse and a prison?

Friday 22 February 2013

Hurray!!! I'm free now! At last my ex divorsed me and I feel very comfortable with it. I thought I should keep this day as a fest, great fest. Now my life will start. I regret nothing of what I have changed in my life. I know it was a courageous step ahead. The truth is that the goer will certainly overcome the road and my expectation of the road is pure happiness. That was my parting message to my ex:

Of course, you can write to me I am in debt to you, though I think what I've experienced being your wife with no doubt return me all my debts and clean  me in front of God, you, all those acquaintances I met here and all my future. I went through the flame of love, pain of your mobbing, shame of abandoned woman. I don't think I should return something to you: betrayed love cannot be reanimated. You talk about money I should return. I have no debt to you and your daughter. I gave you everything I earned and paid you back for everything you spent on me. If you want to divorce me, I'm not against it. I can say now: live in peace with all you deserve as long as you deserve.
I am thursty for knowledge. I'm studying at University. Now I can say: I'm grateful to everyone who cared about me here in the middle of Sweden when I was at the bottom and depressed. I am grateful to my ex, who invited me to Sweden. It will take another year or less for me to start writing and reporting on how beautiful Sweden is. I don't forget my own country and its people, my friends and the beauty of my beloved land.

This is a view from my window right now. The flying sun comes up every morning and shows me the great lake and a field of snow before it. Read my everyday reports here.

Monday 18 February 2013

As I see now, I should explain why I am still studying instead of working as it is suppose to be at the age of 50. Yes, I came to Sweden when I was 49. Too late, you may say. It's true. But I am a language teacher and although the Swedish language is not an easy knowledge for us, people who have another alphabet structure, I got the language comparatively fast. Just in 2,5 years I was able to talk fluently with some ruff mistakes and still the pronunciation leaves much to be desired. But people can understand my way of talking. Now, can you imagine that even if I'm talking fluently and coherent but still I have no rights to work as a teacher as I suppose to be after 13 years of experience in Belarus. It's all bureaucracy you may suggest. Yes, I was inclined to think so. Another mentality of students and approach to uppbringing and education leaves no chance for me but to strive for my teacher's profession. Certainly you may say as my ex that I should work as a cleaner for the sake of a family. Yes, I worked for some weeks or so. I worked as a personal assistent and an assistent for people who cannot do some daily routine by themselves. I worked as an interpreter and a translator. But what makes me really cheerful and optimistic in life is the only thought that I would soon be a teacher. Otherwise, I feel I have missed something very important at the middle of my life when I can bring some fruit for my and surrounding people satisfaction. I was teling to myself: "You are a qualified teacher with lots of years experience, why shouldn't you dare work in the same position here in Sweden?" I am not so easy to be defeated. At the times of depression I've been thinking to return to Belarus, but it's out of discussion. If I am destined to return, just as a winner. Once I gain through my pain and then it will be easier to meet an inquiring look from both sides - Swedish and Belorussian. I have taken that challenge and jumped in the deep waters of unknown river. What should I say to people who knew me, who trustedme? Can I overcome? What will they think of me? At the times it seems to be not of great importance what people think or say, but for the sake of my son, who I hope will be proud of me, I shouldn't fail. I haven't said anything about my son, my friends, my colleagues in my last school and University. I am proud I have friends and such a son. He is a designer in Minsk and he is doing well. He plays guitar and sings his own composed things. I hope I can be a good example for him to follow even I'm not an angel. I went through the flame of love, pain of mobbing and mistrust, discovering my husband having another 'subject' to live with, who started from the very beginning to poison my life. He is a perfect psykologist, he knows what should be done to let a wife go away for ever. Sorry for my being not humorous here as you expected. It will come time for better mood and for humour. I am glad I am a student and that's all for today.

Sunday 17 February 2013

You see an awful lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
Erica Jong

Today is a birthday of one of my acquaintances. I congratulated him and I was expecting him to call me back, but I was again mistaken. There is no such stable thing like relations. They always lead to a crush. But life goes on...

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.



Now I am at a new level. It was like in a nightmare: rapid changes of place of living, learning language skills , new job experience. I lived here in Sweden on the kindness of social service, at my acquaintences, in the railway hostel and at my husband cousin's having no power to strive for my life. But I just made myself go ahead, eat every day and do my studies. Life is flowing like a river. It was a waterfall in my way and my boat was crushed, but I survived. I applied for the University in Umeå. I hope to complete my courses soon. Just some more efforts to be made. I started to take interest in such a thing like cognitive philisophy. Here is the link:
http://youtu.be/K1pbnWcabMY