The first day at school was perfect. At last I felt like I'm in my own waters. I spoke to students who are not small children any more, but who are enough happy and still reluctant enough about their serious duties in the life or about their carriers. They just enjoy their growing. It's like a genuine smile, the sunrise or a rainbow over the water. I plunged into the atmosphere of the school and I was as happy as they are. And careless...
My mentor, young boy, told me in two weeks that I was bossy and I should choose either to behave and stay at school or I shouldn't be there any more. Then after a while he added some more statements like that: I would be closed the doors of the classrooms by the teachers and if he had been at the interview, he would have known whyI was at school. I felt like I was attacked. So, now I think that I'm either crazy or there is something going on in there.
The American came to school as a guest.I felt stupid. Who am I? A miserable immigrant. What, for God sake, I can teach them? My poor language? The children don't need my morals, my virtues, my skills. They need a hero, a man as a teacher. That is the truth. So, It is already settled. What should I do in that situation? Run? Face the battle? I have been to many of them. I have many friends from the USA. I have never failed talking to them. What's up now? Is that my last chance? I don't think so. What will happen if I am not able to tell a joke or to smile when it goes about evaluation of the answers or just encouragement? I would like to be a teacher in Sweden. It would be good for me. But my feelings are in chaos at the moment.

I read Shashtyn Eckman's "Blackwater". Really Swedish spirit. I wish I could read it in Swedish.

My practice is over now. The only week that is left will be filled with parting words and probably parting pie. I have already taken my books and my files were deleted from the computer. Nothing left except people who will remember me for some time. And I remember them: Maj, that was so well-balanced and timid, never personal, always diplomatic and creative, with kind look and mild manner of speaking - perfect characteristic for a teacher; Stenis - always strict and demanding, in alert, never close to you, at the distance that gives the opportunity to see the whole picture clearer - a businessman on the whole; Margareta, whom I see as a perfect woman, elegant and charming despite of her age, the woman with kind eyes, wise and strict, weighing every word so that sometimes it feels like she has a calculator in her mind but still she is veeery kind and encouraging; Eva, that is so emotional and cheerful, Karl-Johan, a young and experienced man, so kind, sociable, sensitive, amicable and the best friend for me, my roommate; Lotta - a woman, who feels the whole room with her aura when she comes in; Gunilla with her questions and talks about eternal, universal and indefinite; Joran, a nice curious man, very easy to be attracted by women and also a very kind person; Janne, young intellectual, promissing scientist and capable teacher, charming personality.... many others. I love them all. They are one well-balanced body of the school where I worked once.

People supposed to trust each other. Don't you think so? Especially if they live together as a husband and wife. Here in Sweden I discovered that people haven't got trust. Yes, they have a unique trait - integrity, but no trust in the family relations. They stay for a while until they have feeling to stay together, but not up to the end of their lives. They don't get married at all. It is considered to be atavism. It means that men don't take responsibility for their wives and children, they don't want to share their property with anybody else. What will they take with them at their last moment? Money? Houses? Yachts? Nothing except their suit, socks and shoes. I'm happy that my husband trust me and I trust him in return. We are married in the Catholic church. But I have to pray for all those women who has no compassion, attention, trust, love from their cohabitants, who wasn't presented with the words: I wish I would stay with you the whole life whatever it could be: in happiness and hardships. I like all your drawbacks and all your merits. You are the only beautiful woman I admire. You are my joy, you were sent by God to me.

I'm very close to break down. I've been working as a practitioner teacher since the end of March. My students are adults from different countries and I have no problems with them though sometimes they cannot help telling me sharp words or preparing situations. But now I have the feeling that my monitor-teacher is trying to kick me out and do it in the very polite way by hinting me on going to the unemployment office. Very skillful teacher. The principal of the establishment told me I would have a job and I didn't really understand who was in charge in taking decisions. Sweden is a marvelous country with its own traditions and its own culture, the nature is unique. People adorable and don't let you interfere in their society so easily. The situation will be clarified on Monday.

I saw marvelous sky over the place where I live with my husband. Every day this phenomena puzzles me: how can the sky be of such colour. We were walking alone the road and I collected flowers. They are very ordinary flowers that one can find anywhere, in any land: chamomiles, bell flowers or campanula, but the whole composition is amazing.

And here is some more words about spirituality from the American point of view. Riveting talks by remarkable people .Healing Quest.