The first day at school was perfect. At last I felt like I'm in my own waters. I spoke to students who are not small children any more, but who are enough happy and still reluctant enough about their serious duties in the life or about their carriers. They just enjoy their growing. It's like a genuine smile, the sunrise or a rainbow over the water. I plunged into the atmosphere of the school and I was as happy as they are. And careless...
My mentor, young boy, told me in two weeks that I was bossy and I should choose either to behave and stay at school or I shouldn't be there any more. Then after a while he added some more statements like that: I would be closed the doors of the classrooms by the teachers and if he had been at the interview, he would have known whyI was at school. I felt like I was attacked. So, now I think that I'm either crazy or there is something going on in there.
The American came to school as a guest.I felt stupid. Who am I? A miserable immigrant. What, for God sake, I can teach them? My poor language? The children don't need my morals, my virtues, my skills. They need a hero, a man as a teacher. That is the truth. So, It is already settled. What should I do in that situation? Run? Face the battle? I have been to many of them. I have many friends from the USA. I have never failed talking to them. What's up now? Is that my last chance? I don't think so. What will happen if I am not able to tell a joke or to smile when it goes about evaluation of the answers or just encouragement? I would like to be a teacher in Sweden. It would be good for me. But my feelings are in chaos at the moment.

I read Shashtyn Eckman's "Blackwater". Really Swedish spirit. I wish I could read it in Swedish.

My practice is over now. The only week that is left will be filled with parting words and probably parting pie. I have already taken my books and my files were deleted from the computer. Nothing left except people who will remember me for some time. And I remember them: Maj, that was so well-balanced and timid, never personal, always diplomatic and creative, with kind look and mild manner of speaking - perfect characteristic for a teacher; Stenis - always strict and demanding, in alert, never close to you, at the distance that gives the opportunity to see the whole picture clearer - a businessman on the whole; Margareta, whom I see as a perfect woman, elegant and charming despite of her age, the woman with kind eyes, wise and strict, weighing every word so that sometimes it feels like she has a calculator in her mind but still she is veeery kind and encouraging; Eva, that is so emotional and cheerful, Karl-Johan, a young and experienced man, so kind, sociable, sensitive, amicable and the best friend for me, my roommate; Lotta - a woman, who feels the whole room with her aura when she comes in; Gunilla with her questions and talks about eternal, universal and indefinite; Joran, a nice curious man, very easy to be attracted by women and also a very kind person; Janne, young intellectual, promissing scientist and capable teacher, charming personality.... many others. I love them all. They are one well-balanced body of the school where I worked once.

People supposed to trust each other. Don't you think so? Especially if they live together as a husband and wife. Here in Sweden I discovered that people haven't got trust. Yes, they have a unique trait - integrity, but no trust in the family relations. They stay for a while until they have feeling to stay together, but not up to the end of their lives. They don't get married at all. It is considered to be atavism. It means that men don't take responsibility for their wives and children, they don't want to share their property with anybody else. What will they take with them at their last moment? Money? Houses? Yachts? Nothing except their suit, socks and shoes. I'm happy that my husband trust me and I trust him in return. We are married in the Catholic church. But I have to pray for all those women who has no compassion, attention, trust, love from their cohabitants, who wasn't presented with the words: I wish I would stay with you the whole life whatever it could be: in happiness and hardships. I like all your drawbacks and all your merits. You are the only beautiful woman I admire. You are my joy, you were sent by God to me.

I'm very close to break down. I've been working as a practitioner teacher since the end of March. My students are adults from different countries and I have no problems with them though sometimes they cannot help telling me sharp words or preparing situations. But now I have the feeling that my monitor-teacher is trying to kick me out and do it in the very polite way by hinting me on going to the unemployment office. Very skillful teacher. The principal of the establishment told me I would have a job and I didn't really understand who was in charge in taking decisions. Sweden is a marvelous country with its own traditions and its own culture, the nature is unique. People adorable and don't let you interfere in their society so easily. The situation will be clarified on Monday.

I saw marvelous sky over the place where I live with my husband. Every day this phenomena puzzles me: how can the sky be of such colour. We were walking alone the road and I collected flowers. They are very ordinary flowers that one can find anywhere, in any land: chamomiles, bell flowers or campanula, but the whole composition is amazing.

And here is some more words about spirituality from the American point of view. Riveting talks by remarkable people .Healing Quest.

I'm a Catholic, my husband is a Lutheran and my son was baptised in Orthodox church, but one event unites us today: Jesus Christ's Resurrection.

Христиане отмечают Вознесение Господне

This cathedral was written in the "Golden book of St.Petersburg", but Swedish people don't know even what country St.Petersburg belongs to.

Исаакиевский собор вписан в «Золотую книгу Петербурга»

http://www.newstube.ru/Media.aspx?mediaid=6876125e-c7ae-49d3-a4b0-58151df9fb44
Исаакиевский'>http://www.newstube.ru/Media.aspx?mediaid=6876125e-c7ae-49d3-a4b0-58151df9fb44">Исаакиевский собор вписан в «Золотую книгу Петербурга»

You will never know what is planed for you.

The Christians of the whole world celebrate today Jesus Christ's Resurrection.

Христиане отмечают праздник Вознесения Господня

Here you can see the most ever valuable things. It's a pity they are only in the museums.

Хочешь помолиться - иди в музей

The whole Sweden celebrates today one person's disappearence from the Earth.I wonder if my Mom and Dad disappeared in the same way. And where are they now?

Congratulations and best wishes on the occasiuon of the grate event : Jesus Christ Resurrectuion Celebration in both Catholic and Orthodox Churches

You should always think of the meaning of your life and make your soul work hard to love people as God loves us, share your love with everyone that you meet on your way. Share your knowledge and your spirituality espesially if the person is hard to love.
По ту сторону жизни и смерти. Рай On the other side of Life and Death

She became famous.

There is something else to add to the previous day. I thought about helping people in the way to our last minute when we would probably suffer from not expressed love or not being helpful in proper time or we forgot to say a particular word. Everyone has that uncompleted things. There is no person on the Earth without blinds. And I pray to God to forgive me these blinds and misscarriages, my bad attitude.
Today is Pure Thursday. We usually clean our houses, wash all the things in and out, go to church and pray for purifying our souls as Maria-Magdalena washed the feet of Jesus Christ with her long hair, so we should "wash another person's feet" showing that there is somebody better than me. And always we should think that we are nice people but there is our neighbour (our next), who is much better. The best what we can do is to serve people in the way to our last minute... There will be nothing behind us, only our deeds...

Temperature Extremes

I was absent for a long time. I didn't pay attention to any of my new creations. That is not because I was a lazybone, I was at the funerals. Sometimes people part with us to settle down in another reality. What is this reality, you'd better wait longer to learn about. The body becomes stretched and stonelike. I have already parted with many of lovely people: my Mom, Dad, my uncles and aunties and this time my son experienced the loss of his father. I know that he wasn't a good father. He never talked to his son, he was busy saving money for his own goals that were considered to be important from his point of view. Where is his money now? Where are his cars now? Where is he himself now? Did he take with him all his property? Only pare of socks, pare of shoes and a suit of black colour. Let's say i t is just what we can afford with one salary. Poor man, he even didn't understand why I really divorced him. And he didn't forgive me my runaway. Should I ask to forgive me? After so many dull years with him and ruined love I took a radical decision to part with my unhappy life. There were two ways though again: to go down or up. After some hesitations I have chosen to go up. And here is I am now with my lovely husband, with my new friends and my son loves me more than ever. I am happy. I only wish I were a little bit longer on this side of the reality that is called LIFE. I want to give away everything I owe to people: my knowledge, my love, my best thoughts and if I am gifted enough - my creativity.

I have a feeling that I am both: Rita and Eliza, I'm changing from in and outside at the same time. That is what I'm going to write about, but later. I should contemplate about it for a while.

Marvelous sky.
You cannot enjoy it in the city.

LANGUAGE AND IDENTITY
an essay by Kenneth Hermansson

Language and Identity is the topic of this essay based on the reading of two literary plays, George Bernard Shaw’s Pygmalion and Willy Russell’s Educating Rita. The following should be regarded as a personal interpretation and not as the absolute truth in every respect.
Language and identity are two expressions that need to be explained. English is the official language in several countries, Chinese is the language spoken by Chinese people and Danish is how Danes speak. But languages could also be described as different ways of talking due to social background, education, profession, age and sex. A person’s language is connected to his social situation. Eliza, the cockney flower girl from the gutter does not speak the same language as professor Higgins, even if English is their common mother tongue. They speak differently because they belong to different social worlds. Identity can signify the very special characteristic of a person, something that makes him differ from others.
EDUCATION AND IDENTITY CHANGES
Eliza and Rita, the principal characters of the two plays are both objects of identity change in the course of the stories. Are these changes identical or can we find differences? The two young women originally come from intellectually poor circles. Eliza is a young flower girl who speaks a gutter language. She talks in the following way: "Aint no call to meddle with me, he aint." (1) Her manners are crude, and her cockney accent leaves her feeling as if she is a second-class citizen. She is treated that way. Still, she seems to be proud of herself, "I’m a good girl, I am." (2)
Rita is a twenty-six-year-old, brash, earthy hairdresser, married to a Liverpudlian beerdrinker who demands her to have children and to be a good wife. She feels unsatisfied with her marriage. At the hairdressing salon where she works, she gets tired of the daily listening to women who talk a lot without saying any important. "They never tell y’things that matter." (3)
The story of the two plays tells how the education of the women changes their lives. There are remarkable progresses in their studies and the result is an obvious change of their lives.
INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL CHANGES
I would guess that many readers and spectators of the two plays regard them as about the same story. As a matter of fact, they are not. There is at least one important difference. The changes are not the same. One of them is external while the other is internal.
What happens to Eliza is more or less a change on the surface. In a few months Henry Higgins, a professor of linguistics, manages to lift her up from a low status on the street and transform her into a refined young lady. Among the upper class representatives of London she is able to behave like a duchess and by those who do not know her she is treated like a princess. Her mastering of English grammar, vocabulary and pronunciation is admirable. But do these progresses of language skills mean a real change of personality? Certainly not! Eliza remains a cockney gutter girl even though her conversation becomes more sophisticated. A few months of language learning do not transform her character and identity profoundly.
Rita, on the other hand, keeps her old manners of talking like an uneducated woman. When Frank, her teacher, at the end of the story asks her if she will follow a friend to France, she answers: "I dunno. He’s a bit of a wranker really. But I’ve never been abroad. An’ me mother’s invited me to her’s for Christmas." (4)
Nevertheless, Rita has been changed. Not because of pure language training, but owing to her literary learning. Her deep determination to change her life brings her to a world ofd self respect and new ideas.
There is a link between language and identity. But language studies that are concentrated on pure linguistic training of grammar, vocabulary and pronunciation bring only about external progresses. If they are completed with literature they are likely to attain a higher level. Language skills are important, but the are nothing but tools. To be used in a fertile way that produces interior changes of character and personality, the need to be completed with a knowledge of literature.
Eliza achieves good language proficiencies, but her identity remains that of a cockney gutter girl, while Rita develops her character and reaches personal independence. However, it would have been ideal if the two young women had been able to study together and learn more about both language and literature.

Footnotes
1. George Bernard Shaw, 1957: Pygmalion, page 24
2. Shaw, 1957, page 24
3. Willy Russell, 1997, Educating Rita, page 10
4. Russell, 1997, page 72

What is the difference between Lutheran and Catholic church? You may ask the question as it was put today by a former Lutheran priest. And I see no big difference. Just a little one: catholics have Mother Mary to worship as a protector, saviour of all the children, all the women and men. It is the light of Womanhood, Motherhood and Childhood. It is everything that connects with birth, the beginning of the things. Have you ever thought what gender is Universe? I think it is "SHE". Only SHE can give birth to variety of living objects.
When my Mom passed away I found Mother Mary who supported me and gave me warmth of her presence and gave my Mom shelter taking her to Heaven. I prayed for that. And now I pray for all the women in the world for their kindness and overwhelming love, for their tolerance and courage, for their patience and sufferings that didn't kill them, but made stronger. I pray for parents of my close friend Raymond who lives in Canada and whose Mom I love. She is so like my Mom, just so far away.

Now I should learn how to live without money.The problem is if you are getting married in Sweden,you will go through some procedures to prove that you are loyal,not aggressive and certainly have the real feeling to your husband-to be.But that is not everything.Even if you are allowed to stay with your husband!!!! for 2 years it doesn't mean that you will have an unemployment insurance money or students' contribution.So,you should learn how to leave on the fresh water and fresh air.But you know I'm from K-Pax,so I switched on my spare energy.

I found this link about travelling and I ask myself if it is possible to travel without money.Some people proved it,but it is risky and out of common sense.Today I discovered that there are tickets that are cheaper if you go to some countries and places in several days.

За окном звездопад принимает пустая аллея.
Не нарушит покой тишины от падения звук.
Только кто-то опять, чистоту белизны не жалея,
С хрустом в звёздную россыпь впечатает грязный каблук.
Владимир Труфакин
It is exciting to be kept busy the whole day,but so tiresome.I hope I'll have sometimes later pictures of today's workshop,where we made our birds with our own hands from a new material - wire (strings).Then I participated in literary club where we discussed a book by Hjalmar Sjoderberg "Serious games".The book is worth reading.The next will be Bulgakov's "Master and Margaret".But I'm going to read the masterpiece by a Norwegian writer,whose book is similar to Bulgakov's one.Interesting to find parallel world in other country :)

Yuriy Kuimov

Береги свои силы и время не трать,
Чтоб побольше динаров в кубышку собрать,-
Что имеешь, друзьям раздари, а иначе
Все сожрет и растащит врагов твоих рать.

How nice to find a verse in Russian in Internet of the living poet,still young and talented.
У наставников мудрых прилежно учась,
Мы учеными стали, чтоб слушали нас…
Но финал этой повести – скорбная участь
Праха, ветром раздутого в смертный твой час.
Juriy Kuimov.
I'll try to make a translation in English.
Omar Hayjam would write those lines. And who's a translator? That is a question.

Today is the 14th of February,Valentine's Day, and I started my blog and my new life in Sweden.I have a family now,I'm married to a man,who makes me happy and treats me with respect,whom I love dearly.And this blog I opened in the name of our love and mutual understanding.It is my child,it is my love and my life.Today was a wonderful day and evening that I will never forget looking at the pictures we took of the sky and the place were we were happy.